There and back

3 summers ago, I came to Thailand. That trip changed my life and shaped my views on social justice and the world deeply. In fact, as soon as I left I wanted to go back. And here I am, back.

Yesterday, I got to stand in the same exact spot I stood in three years ago. It was at the watershed of the camp we did construction at. Do you know how many times I stared at the pictures of that place? Countless times. Last time I stood there, I had no idea how much God would bring me through. I didn't realize that in just a few weeks, I'd be in Romania learning life-changing stuff about God. I remember wondering where God was in areas of my life- I didn't realize that the stuff I was worried about was actually going to bring me sweet intimacy with Christ that coming school year. I didn't know about the college I was going to go to or how much I would grow and change in the way I see myself and the world.

I remember a woman mentioning people who come for a few months to Thailand. I remember thinking "I could do that". And now I am.
That stuff's surreal.

Here are some before/after pictures. Top is old, bottom is new.

                                         

                                           

   

            

Those are just a few examples. God is faithful and crazy.

Memorable Scenes

Sometimes, I don't look forward to walking down the road to go buy food for dinner. As an example for why, this morning two drunk guys on a motor bike stopped me on my walk and tried to ask me something but obviously I don't understand Thai or drunken slur. It really wasn't that scary or dangerous, but I don't really enjoy the time either.
And sometimes as I'm walking to dinner, I think to myself "You're a fa-rang [foreigner] girl walking by yourself close to dusk". Which occasionally gets me on edge, specially when some of the Thai boys call out "'Sup girl".

The street on which I buy dinner. You can see the Testco in the corner. (Mentioned below)

And there are nights when the sun has set and I'm walking by myself but I feel safer than I do in a locked room because I know that Jesus is protecting me "for You alone make me dwell in safety", right? 

So, basically, I'm learning to not be run by fear. That's been the theme of this whole time here. Still is. Still fighting to grow in that area. But I saw a beautiful glimmer of victory today. I was going through that whole "you're a farang, you're a farang" bit, suspicious of every head nod and black-tinted car. There was this old man begging- he was wandering around with a tin cup and an eye swollen shut. He's the first beggar I've seen in this area.

I shot past him as fast as I could. I envisioned him putting creepy all over me or that giving him money would make all the Thais think I'm really rich. I don't like being driven by guilt and obligation. But then, a verse popped in my head: "Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me". It was then I realized that I was actually just afraid. I didn't want to give him money still, but I did want to buy him a soda. Of course I'd buy Jesus a soda.

So then I said "God, I'll come back that way later and buy him a can of soda". So I kept walking. But then, this still small voice said "Go back". I was still walking. It said "Go back" again. So I stopped. Looked around for a place to buy soda. I had to go past him to get to the Testco to buy soda. As I turned around, I saw him walking in the direction I came from. Which was probably why God told me to go back. He wouldn't have been there if I waited. I bought a soda, and put the cold pseudo- Sprite can in his hand. He mumbled what I think was thank you in Thai. And then we parted ways.

There's something so beautiful about the way that Jesus connects His well-being to the well-being of others. Jesus feels the pain of the swollen eye and the wobbly legs of that man who was begging. We show our love to Him by relieving His pain as we relieve the pain of others. And, in turn, those suffering experience Jesus' tangible love through us. Jesus mediates everything.

The outcome of the event wasn't groundbreaking. That man will probably drink the soda, throw it away and keep begging tonight. But, I'm grateful to be able to have given Jesus a cold soda on a hot day like this. I'm grateful Jesus filled me with love and not fear. Glory be to Him.