There and back

3 summers ago, I came to Thailand. That trip changed my life and shaped my views on social justice and the world deeply. In fact, as soon as I left I wanted to go back. And here I am, back.

Yesterday, I got to stand in the same exact spot I stood in three years ago. It was at the watershed of the camp we did construction at. Do you know how many times I stared at the pictures of that place? Countless times. Last time I stood there, I had no idea how much God would bring me through. I didn't realize that in just a few weeks, I'd be in Romania learning life-changing stuff about God. I remember wondering where God was in areas of my life- I didn't realize that the stuff I was worried about was actually going to bring me sweet intimacy with Christ that coming school year. I didn't know about the college I was going to go to or how much I would grow and change in the way I see myself and the world.

I remember a woman mentioning people who come for a few months to Thailand. I remember thinking "I could do that". And now I am.
That stuff's surreal.

Here are some before/after pictures. Top is old, bottom is new.

                                         

                                           

   

            

Those are just a few examples. God is faithful and crazy.

Memorable Scenes

Sometimes, I don't look forward to walking down the road to go buy food for dinner. As an example for why, this morning two drunk guys on a motor bike stopped me on my walk and tried to ask me something but obviously I don't understand Thai or drunken slur. It really wasn't that scary or dangerous, but I don't really enjoy the time either.
And sometimes as I'm walking to dinner, I think to myself "You're a fa-rang [foreigner] girl walking by yourself close to dusk". Which occasionally gets me on edge, specially when some of the Thai boys call out "'Sup girl".

The street on which I buy dinner. You can see the Testco in the corner. (Mentioned below)

And there are nights when the sun has set and I'm walking by myself but I feel safer than I do in a locked room because I know that Jesus is protecting me "for You alone make me dwell in safety", right? 

So, basically, I'm learning to not be run by fear. That's been the theme of this whole time here. Still is. Still fighting to grow in that area. But I saw a beautiful glimmer of victory today. I was going through that whole "you're a farang, you're a farang" bit, suspicious of every head nod and black-tinted car. There was this old man begging- he was wandering around with a tin cup and an eye swollen shut. He's the first beggar I've seen in this area.

I shot past him as fast as I could. I envisioned him putting creepy all over me or that giving him money would make all the Thais think I'm really rich. I don't like being driven by guilt and obligation. But then, a verse popped in my head: "Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me". It was then I realized that I was actually just afraid. I didn't want to give him money still, but I did want to buy him a soda. Of course I'd buy Jesus a soda.

So then I said "God, I'll come back that way later and buy him a can of soda". So I kept walking. But then, this still small voice said "Go back". I was still walking. It said "Go back" again. So I stopped. Looked around for a place to buy soda. I had to go past him to get to the Testco to buy soda. As I turned around, I saw him walking in the direction I came from. Which was probably why God told me to go back. He wouldn't have been there if I waited. I bought a soda, and put the cold pseudo- Sprite can in his hand. He mumbled what I think was thank you in Thai. And then we parted ways.

There's something so beautiful about the way that Jesus connects His well-being to the well-being of others. Jesus feels the pain of the swollen eye and the wobbly legs of that man who was begging. We show our love to Him by relieving His pain as we relieve the pain of others. And, in turn, those suffering experience Jesus' tangible love through us. Jesus mediates everything.

The outcome of the event wasn't groundbreaking. That man will probably drink the soda, throw it away and keep begging tonight. But, I'm grateful to be able to have given Jesus a cold soda on a hot day like this. I'm grateful Jesus filled me with love and not fear. Glory be to Him.

My Morning

I'm over a quarter of my way done in Thailand, which is crazy and terrifying at the same time. I think it's going to be very hard to leave. I've been enjoying my time here so much. 

Today, we learned a bunch of Thai words for food, which was awesome. I got to go out and try some Thai cuisine that I didn't even know existed! It was great! I'm also just loving the opportunity to begin learning Apple's Motion. I'll definitely use it in my film career and it's just super fun! 

I've been awful about taking pictures while I'm here, so today I took a bunch. Here's how my day started today: 

The view off of the house's balcony. 

My beautiful housemate gave me some pancakes today!

Kitchen things.

The walk to work. I really like both of these restaurants.

Every Tuesday/thursday we do morning chores. Sharon mopping like a pro.

My first Motion animation. He eats them! 

Editing Editing Editing

Seasons

Sa-wat-dee ka! (Good day/hello).

This is Ferdinand, the gecko- my pseudo pet for a few days until he ran away.

Before I went to Thailand, I had to audit a class. In it, we studied the cycles of culture shock: First the honeymoon phase, then 'fight or flight' regarding all the differences in the culture, then 'fit'-ness, adapting to and accepting the differences.

Well, I thought I would never experience the honeymoon phase. Since I've been here, I've been more bewildered than anything. But, right now, I'm past bewilderment into the honeymoon phase.

Finally it hit me, I'm here. I'm really really here. The place I've talked on and on about- how I missed mangos and sticky rice and schweppes manao soda. I really missed schweppes manao soda. I used to go on Amazon and look at how much it'd cost to ship it to America, which was about $70. I always used to tell myself, when I'd go back I'd drink it again. But I never knew how soon I'd be back.

And now I'm here, drinking schweppes manao, eating sticky rice and fried chicken (even though it's bad for me). I used my broken Thai to buy more data on my phone and they understood me (it was haa sip baht, if you were wondering)!!

I love love love this. I'm here. I can't believe after waiting and waiting I am finally here.

I hope the other phases of culture shock don't hit at all or at least hit gently. But at least for now, I am so content. :)

To The Average Gordon Student

Dear Gordon student,

I've been praying for you today. And God put on my heart some things that you need to know.

The main thing I think we're missing is hope.

You've done this Christian life for so long- probably ever since you were eight or ten or four. You've waited for God, you've cried out for God, and maybe sometime along the line He didn't show up the way you wanted Him to. Maybe you laid in your bed late at night, whispering out the things that hurt your heart the most and all you heard is resounding silence. Or maybe you went to a retreat and you did see God, heard God, and got all up on that spiritual high only to crash the week later and fall deeper into sin.

And I'm afraid some kind, knowing person came to you and told you that you were just expecting too much of God. He'll change us, but we shouldn't expect any drastic change. He'll speak to us, but only through Victor Hugo, poetry, or nature- not His actual voice.

I wonder if you were deeply hurt in your life. No, I'm sure you were at some point. And maybe those friends that betrayed you and gossiped about you or the family who didn't exist for you left some serious scars on your life. And I'm afraid that this voice of 'reason' told you that you can't expect anything more. And somehow you were convinced to give up on loving. So, why put yourself out there? Why be vulnerable? Why allow yourself to love someone even if they don't love you back?

I'm afraid we've let ourselves become cynical. I'm not saying we don't have good reason. There's no sense in pretending that those things didn't happen. But I also know that this can't be the end of the story.

I don't want to spend my whole life protecting myself and in turn miss God's hand in our lives.

Cause that's the thing. God does change us. God does heal us. God promised to complete His work in us.
There is more of God than you think there is. We can dare to love the unlovely, the unloving because He'll hide us in His love. Don't settle for the idea that prayer only changes you. Prayer moves the heart of God, the Almighty.

I'm reading this book called Always Enough by Heidi and Rolland Baker. There were major, devastating floods in Mozambique, killing over a million people and ruining the crops of millions more. Yet, when Heidi and Rolland would come with food and Bibles, the people wanted Bibles before their food. They knew that God would do more good for them than food. They had faith in His ability to change them and save them. They knew Jesus as the living, active God. I want us as a campus to know that.

We can't do this Christian life by ourselves. But God never wanted us to in the first place. He wants to empower us to live supernatural lives. He wants to bring Shalom into our lives. Flourishing. To heal every wound, to dispel every fear, to break off all dysfunction. He'll bring you more good than you can bring yourself. I want Him for your life, and so does He.

"My lover is mine and I am His"- Song of Solomon 2:16a

Love,

Jess

I made it

That's a picture from my layover in Frankfurt. I did it! I braved the city during my layover! I got really confused on the way back, though, and it took this gracious man walking me to the train platform to which I was supposed to go to get back to the airport on time. Totally a God thing. Also, another God thing, I drank Bankok water- like a lot of it- and haven't gotten sick yet. Yay the power of prayer.

Now I'm here. I don't have any pictures to prove it, but if you could hear the roaring of motorbikes and chirping of crickets and lizards, you'd believe me. I had my orientation for my internship today. Which was AWESOME. It's such a beautiful building and it's air conditioned (yay!). The people there have been suuuper kind and welcoming. I could eat for $1 a meal here, it's so cheap!

I've spent a lot of time with God today, mostly because I've really needed it. I've been intimidated, exhausted, and overwhelmed quite a bit in the past 24 hours. And God's really showed up. One thing I really took away today is that God is the God of shalom. As all of us Gordon students know, Shalom is complete flourishing. As I prayed today, I could see how God wanted complete flourishing for me in every are of my life. He is so good!

I appreciate your prayers and thoughts. I have a ton of internet access here, so feel free to shoot me an email or a message. You guys are wonderful.

An Unexpected Detour

A few pictures from last time I went...

Chiang Mai. My internship will be in this city

Remember that one time I wrote in my blog that I'd be leaving 8 days from that post? Well, if you haven't been following my Facebook feed, then you should know that I had to push my flight back 8 more days because my visa didn't come through in time. I've had an extra week to kill waiting for my flight, and it's been such a wonderful week.

I've eaten ice cream while sitting on the back porch and watching my mint plant grow. I've learned a bagillion new recipes to use in my apartment next year (yay!). I got to bike with my Mom and see Ontario Lake, which looks like the ocean, and read Calvin and Hobbes while sipping tea under a blanket. It's been absolutely beautiful and necessary. I got to spend as much time with God as I wanted, which has turned into a hefty amount, and I've been messing around on my ukulele. 

Here's me and my ukulele, a shameless selfie. I'm trying to figure out how to fit it in my carry on. 

Currently, I'm reading Andrew Murray's book Abide in Christ. If you haven't read anything by him, finish reading this post and then stop whatever else you're doing and go read something by him. He understands God in a way that I'm envious of. He's experienced the God who asks us to abide in Him and gives us the strength to do it. God calls us to come to Him and to stay with Him. I know I've needed to learn that as I'm preparing for my trip. 

I'm so excited for Thailand. I'm excited to start editing film. I love editing film. I'm excited to say the four Thai words I know (yes, I'll learn more) and eat rice and hear tokay lizards again. It's hard to believe it's actually happening, but that's okay. It'll happen soon enough. Wonderful adventures await!